Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 220
We all want something else other than what we have and don't realize what you got works. It works. It does work. You gotta work. Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure.
I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated.
I have a wife back in LA who is so pissed at me... yeah, she’s so mad I’m sleeping with her husband.
Twitter does have an effect on everything - things you put out there, they are out there for good.
The rebel army in Libya is just like 1,000 guys in Toyota trucks. The world is asking the question; can 1000 anti-government guys in pick-up trucks with small arms, take over a country of millions? To which I say, ask the Teabaggers.
I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.
Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?
We’ve got 4 dogs, 2 of them are wiener dogs, those are her dogs. And they’re cute until they have to go to the vet, and then it’s like a billion dollars. I took them to the vet and our idiot vet goes, “That dog’s gonna have back problems right there.” No kidding! It’s got an 8-foot back and 2-inch legs! I could have figured that one out! Here’s another one, Doc Obvious. That right there’s a boy dog and he’s 1/4 inch away from dragging his transmission on the sidewalk!
I had a great childhood growing up even though we was crazy poor. We was like P O. We couldn't afford O R. That's how Po we were… I remember nights we didn't eat. We had sleep for dinner.
Save yer breath! That's just another long list of lies perpetrated by The Man to keep a brutha down!
You want to reclaim your country? You got to go back to the first men who started this country, the founding fathers and this is going to be shocking for the liberal professors out there that are indoctrinating our kids but the founding fathers believed in the Judeo-Christian god that believed we have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness! You can pursuit it. If you don’t get it, it’s your fault! You messed up. Go back to work. Work harder.
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are.