Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 235
My whole life is a practical joke. Every evening and every show has really become about entertaining me. I was always like that. And now I've come full circle because that's what the TV show is too.
Comedy can be, especially in a writer's room, really aggressive, kind of a very male-dominated room, and it would be hard for women. It's not a nurturing place. It's not like a lot of women are going to say, I can't wait to live that lifestyle and be in a writer's room until 2 or 3 a.m.
My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.
My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully I'm more cerebral than a 10-year-old... but if you ask my wife, I'm not!
Maybe it's instinctual to be monogamous; but if you know you are going to fuck her sister, maybe you should not be monogamous right yet.
I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?
Water parks provide a wonderful opportunity to meet new people and then soak in their pee.
I think politics in general are just like a popularity contest but McCain is just… old.
Love. It's God's greatest gift. He fills our world with it and makes sure we grow up with caring, supportive parents. I'm just kidding. Pain is God's greatest gift. Pain is God's way of saying, "Hurts, don't it ? Well, go ahead. Say, me dammit again."