Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 350
Black people drink lots of beer. However, you won't see us skiing down a mountain for one, or see us diving for Frisbees on concrete for one.
It’s very easy to attack ourselves. Even comforting in its familiarity, but you must resist this urge at all costs. Dwelling on the past or your perceived flaws will do nothing but keep you under emotional house arrest and hamper your progress. Commit yourself to growth and reward yourself with kindness for choosing to do so!
What were you thinking right before you hit the ground, Evel? What were you thinking?' I remember thinking: 'Hey, did I turn off the iron?' Then, my leg cracked in half. Then I was thinking: 'Hey, maybe I should get a puppy?'
It takes intelligence to make real comedy, and it takes a reality base to create all that little stuff I like to do that makes you giggle inside.
But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.
Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead.
You know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... husband!
I loved the old stories in National Lampoon, like the original story the movie Vacation was based on. I used to laugh at them until I cried.
I bought a dictionary, and the first thing I did was look up dictionary… it said "you’re an asshole."
You know a lot of geniuses, y’know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y’know, you could learn something.
Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.
It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority.
If you really are superior, you don't go around saying you're superior - unless you're Jewish.