Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 498
Drugs killed him, but they didn’t ruin his life by any stretch.
He has a great sense of humor - but it's in his assembly. It's really his craftsmanship that people overlook. It's not being fair to him just calling him outrageous.
I hate when people ask me the time on the street 'cause something happens to me. I just panic. I can't read my watch. When I'm alone, I'm great at reading my watch, but when someone asks me, I just have this anxiety attack, and I just can't make it out... I always end up saying something useless, like, 'It's 20 of 9:40.'
I'm not a narcissistic vain comedian, but I like to tell a good story.
Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"
When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.
When I want to see the people I grew up with, most of the time I just go to the morgue.
Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.