Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 557
It definitely has learning a lesson about the way you're living your life. I wouldn't compare our movie to that, but it has a structure where it's about a man who doesn't appreciate all that he has and finds out at the end that life has been great and he has to enjoy that.
I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out.
Growing up, it was always, ‘If you buy kosher meat, they’re killed humanely.’ But I’ve seen so many horrible videos. What we thought was humane 100 years ago is not humane anymore. The ways animals suffer, I just couldn’t be a part of it anymore.
There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.
It's hip to be square. Remember that shitty song by that shitty band 20 motherfucking years ago?
When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head... I hope it's not hereditary.
Are any terrorists listening to this podcast? Are ya? In a fuckin' cave right now jerkin' off to your 72 virgins or whatever the hell they're promising ya. First of all, they're not there. When ya die, ya go in the ground. Okay? That's where you're goin'. So what ya wanna do is ya wanna try to stay alive. Ya know? Meet yourself a cute fuckin' lady. Have a cookout. Ride a bicycle; feel the wind in your fuckin' hair... or in your beard. Ya know? Whata ya doin'?
If you’re worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn’t get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
I think if you get kicked in the face you deserved it because that means that you watched the foot come to your face.
Harpo Marx, who once said, " ." And those words are as true today as when he first didn't speak them. Never got a dinner!
I don't know what possessed me, but yesterday I yelled out the wrong name in the middle of my girlfriend's funeral.