Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 576
I took benzedrine - I got clairvoyance. With benzedrine you can have a very wide view of the world, like you can decide the destiny of man and other pressing problems, such as which is the left sock?
My girlfriend is pregnant. She asked me if we should have it and I said yes. We should have it cremated.
I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.
C'mon cab driver, enough with the hard braking! I'm trying to make love back here.
I hope that nothing ever wussifies me to deny my own personal beliefs. Brainwashed wussies have been taught that standing up for yourself and defending your personal point of view makes you a close-minded hate monger. One must also be respectful of dissenting belief while supporting their own.
I think the English are bipolar. ‘We’re the greatest, no we’re terrible’ – that’s a constant English struggle. Crime is down, there’s little poverty – yet it’s always the worst time to have lived here.
If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds." Never got a dinner!
Haiku sounds like I'm saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.
I've always had something in my heart where I root for guys who struggle with women.
I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.
If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.