Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 611
I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.
A lady goes into a bar and orders a beer. So, she sits there and drinks it for a while. Well, a man comes in a few minutes later and liked to buy the lady another drink. He asks her, "Is that a beer you're drinking?" She's like, "No, it must be pee I'm drinking because it's a yellowish color." Duh!! Here's your sign.
If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.
I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, "Hey, can you keep a secret?" I say "That's none of your business."
I'm not white - I don't apologize for what made my country great.
They fucked around, started negotiating with those white people, they lost all that shit... And what they didn't lose negotiating, white people just kicked their ass on out of..
And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don't park in a handicapped spot.
I can empathize with President George Bush. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
We want to be seen as more than just martial artists, or bad stereotype token roles in American TV and movies.
America is like the really bad flatmate of the world: 'Oh sorry, did I break all your shit? I d'n't know it was yours. Yeah, I'll replace it sometime... with my stuff.'
I've started to kind of hate people, and it's not because I have anything against them. It's just, I enjoy it. It's recreation.
I'm the first person in history to die in my own dream but It turned out only to be a stunt double.