Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 610

I've arrived at the place if I'm not taking a career risk, I'm not happy. If I'm scared, then I know I'm being challenged.

He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant.

I’m for capital punishment. You’ve got to execute people. How else are they going to learn?

I would say just in general, in life, I'm more willing to be animated as a person, and so obviously onstage as well.

Don't do shit you hate... there's another way... quit. Go in Monday and steel a bunch of shit and quit... and steel big shit too.

He went from looking like a Greek god to becoming Buddha: quiet, contained, but so powerful... And he's such a fighter. I thought, "He's going to the hospital, he'll be OK, he'll come out."

Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.

Why do you always give me jobs you know I'm going to fail at?

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

I think that sometimes I’ve been a little too nice. I think you have to have a balance. When you’re too nice people take you for granted, they take you for a fool I think.

I’m in a whole different part of show business. I’m not even part of Shakespeare in Love.

There's always that great photo of the actress or model lifting up her shirt just to show you the bone structure and the six-pack of her own. It's almost like when horses are auctioned and they show you their teeth. 'Am I good enough?'

I almost bought a DeLorean the other day just because. If I see something that I think is cool and I like it, I'll go for it.

I am fucked up. I apologize from the bottom of my cock. I'm sorry for my ass and my sack. It's my fault, my bad. Who's your daddy? Say my name, look me in the eye.

Nobody is more truthful when he's acting than De Niro.