Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 612

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

I would say just in general, in life, I'm more willing to be animated as a person, and so obviously onstage as well.

All TV is, is really: "Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that." There's nothing really in the middle.

Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.

It's so much easier to be cynical.

I recently bought a cat, but took it back a day later because our personalities clashed.

I’ve started to get this feeling that I’m totally, totally fucked.

If you get a ticket, you can go to traffic school, and they make you watch movies for like eight hours: head-on collisions, mannequins flying out the windshield. At the end of the movie, the instructor goes, 'Now what have we learned by this?' Never let a mannequin drive your car.

You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.

I’m in a whole different part of show business. I’m not even part of Shakespeare in Love.

There's always that great photo of the actress or model lifting up her shirt just to show you the bone structure and the six-pack of her own. It's almost like when horses are auctioned and they show you their teeth. 'Am I good enough?'

I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and they use humor to help them through it. I think it's a great remedy for many things.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say 'Take off your clothes'?

Nobody is more truthful when he's acting than De Niro.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.