Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 660
I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn't ringing. There wasn't one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn't work in Hollywood again.
Until as women we all say, "No! We are not going to starve ourselves", nothing is going to change. We're our own worse enemies sometimes but I still blame men.
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
I fell in love with the right person, a person I know and who knows me.
Would you believe I once entered a beauty contest? I not only came in last, I got 361 get well cards.
I have not had sex in almost two years. And I think once you hit two years, you get your virginity back… I’m going to just have to trick somebody into doing it. I’m going to have to cover with leaves and hope somebody falls in.
Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.
Perception is reality; so being so twisted I have no idea who I ever was which was a really lucky break.
My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
I don't think about that. I wasn't a kid growing up saying one day I'll get an Oscar and make a speech. That wasn't on my mind. So what I do is the best work I can do.