Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 682
No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.
Are there any vice cops in here? You dicks. How do you do that for a living? I don't understand. I first read these stories and I think "Don't you have real crime to fight somewhere?" But then you think about it vice cops don't fight real crime; that's not their job. Real cops fight real crime. A vice cop's only job is to fuck up the party.
You might be a redneck if you've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
I think I've far exceeded what I ever thought I could possibly do. I'm almost shocked that I'm still around after all of these years... and always grateful that I get another turn to do something.
Bird flu! What's that? How do you know a bird's got flu! Some chinese bloke spots one of his chicken with its claws in a bowl of hot water and a towel over its head! Bwrr-rr-rrr-rrr-rrr-rrr-rr!
I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.
Ladies and Gentleman let's play America's fastest growing sensation "Will It Float?"
Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.
Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.