Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 745
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.
The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.
Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20.
When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I did while I lie to you."
Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
If my girlfriend ever turned into a zombie, I would not hesitate to wear a condom.
I feel very privileged that I am able to do something. All of us saw the images on TV and we said we can send money but we still wanted to contribute more.
On Courtney Love: I was only in her company two hours, but I can’t blame that Kurt Cobain fella.
When you swear to God, its true. Right now God is watching and saying, "this is true."
I wasn’t really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I’d see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong.
When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?