Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 760
Life can be really hard some times but its better than being a butterfly where you only live a month.
Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
Nineteen people flew into the towers. It seems hard for me to imagine that we could go to war enough to make the world safe enough that nineteen people wouldn't want to do harm to us. So it seems like we have to rethink a strategy that is less military-based.
How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudge chunks, cheddar goldfish and pennies -- you've got to draw a line there.
It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.
I'm 31 now. I think I'm beginning to understand what life is, what romance is, and what a relationship means.
Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."
I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.