Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 775
You're not going to find a Pygmie on Paxal, I'll tell you that.
I think the time it takes to feel better about a break up is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
I'm from a little place called England ... We used to run the world before you.
1st of December, World Aids Day….I don’t think it’ll ever take off like Christmas.
My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
I love traveling. It not only opens my mind up, but it also allows me to use my fame in another way through humanitarian works and stuff, and being an influence around the world.
Spirituality: the last refuge of a failed human. Just another way of distracting you from who you really are.
I grew up in the projects and I know how important it is for kids to have hope.
You see people waving. You don't see people having problems, with each other at least.
My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.
This weekend, Pam Anderson tied the knot with Rick Salomon in Las Vegas. The minister who married them said, ‘Is there anyone here who believes this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony?’ And then he raised his hand.
This summer I just practiced real hard. I was real dedicated. I don't think I missed two or three workouts this whole summer.
When I was younger that’s when I was in good shape. I was in my peak physical condition when I was, like, one. Man, you should have seen me back then.
My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.