Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 796
I remember the first time I had sex. I wore a cape and goggles… because I didn’t know.
There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.
I don't want to say work is who I am, but some people feel more centered and more whole when they're producing and creating.
You also notice that the right side of your face feels like it's sliding off of your skull. And your bottom lip is in your lap!
What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her "to get kitchen scissors?"
That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way. Don't press the ball against your nose. The other one is don't lick the pins.
Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy farms.
We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside.
YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas. If by people you mean 13 year old girls and by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers.
I think I'm going to put baby powder all over my legs before this walk just to be safe.