Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 801
My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.
Loud, stupid and overeating will suffice as long as we also have the funny, the fierce and the intellectual.
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
If you're saying what are penguins like, they're a bit persnickety, I'll say that... Um, thank you, I have a thesaurus in my house.
We mostly get together and have fun. It's a great place to play music with a small group of nice people.
You can be gangsta in good weather, These niggas were Gangsta in 99 Feet of mothafuckin' water. Nigga how is you swimming and keeping your Pistol out the water at the same time!?!
It's an honor to walk in the footsteps of a legend. As host I intend to honor the tradition of The Bob Hope Classic and have a great time blazing a new path.
Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"
The Hunchback of Notre-Dame, who said to his tailor Irving, "Forget the slacks - please work on the blazer!" Never got a dinner!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.