Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 804
Let me tell you, never before in the history of this planet has anybody made the progress that African-Americans have made in a 30-year period, in spite of many black folks and white folks lying to one another.
Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her, she says "Tut, Tut!"
There are a couple hard things. One, getting a funny idea that people can relate to; a funny idea or a funny script; there's a million pitches.
Loud, stupid and overeating will suffice as long as we also have the funny, the fierce and the intellectual.
Can I talk to you guys now about some of the differences between men and women? Great. Chicks cry when you punch ‘em.
If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what they want to do. When you are raised by two parents, you are constantly watching compromise take place. Just by observing that, it made me a better person.
I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.
Don't confuse me with those who cling to hope. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they "ought to be". And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. I sincerely believe that if you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem. My motto: Fuck Hope!
This one goes out to the younger ones out there. If your mother still drives you to school, you ain't no "gangsta", pull your pants up! Your back pockets should not be behind your knees!
When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.