Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 803
A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it.
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A…. “Hi, my name is Adam and I’m a boyfriend. It’s been six months since my last decision. I felt the urge to have an opinion the other day, but thank God my sponsor came over and we sat down ‘til that feeling went away.”
Whenever someone says they believe the earth was created in 7 days, I grab a fossil and say, "Fossil." And if they keep talking, I throw it just over their heads.
George Hamilton, you’re like Tang. You’re dry and orange and nobody has given a fuck about you since 1968.
I grew up in New York wanting to be like those funny men in the movies and on the radio.
When you unleash the mix upon her, she will understand the beauty of who you are as a human being, and then she will melt and be in your bedroom soon. That's the plan with the mix.
I used to get letters saying, 'I didn't know black children and white children were the same.'
Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"
ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most.
I've gotten to a place where I am comfortable and I don't battle myself. I'm further ahead than I ever thought I'd be. I've exceeded everyone's expectations. Including, I think, my own.