Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 803
I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?
Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.
Try to be rational? I'll tell you how rational I can be. I hope that he goes out into the wilderness and gets poision ivy, and comes back and I have to treat him then he will find out how much sick people get charged.
If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can just do the same character over and over again and make a different comedy like over and over again.
Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a "failed jobs program."
If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.
Wouldn't it be great if people were the same in bed as they are in every day life? When Mark Spitz gets done, does he do a flip off the headboard and come back for another lap? 'Gee, Nadia, that was perfect! That full twisting dismount wasn't bad either, babe!'
That's why the have the programmes presented by 45 guys; "Hi I'm Ted, I'm Bob, I'm Ralph, I'm Dick, I'm Dale, I'm Nick, I'm Will", and they keep changing all the angles of the camera. "I'm over here, I'm at this desk, I'm standing here" and Wendy comes up from under the desk with the financial weather.
Tom Cruise shouldn't try to win Oscars. He should just smile and kick people in the face and leave the acting to Hugh Jackman. Why Hugh Jackman? I dunno; come up with your own example, smart-ass.