Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 831
Thanks Kate, and don't forget to call that number, there is no such thing as a little crack problem.
Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
It was like falling in love with a girl who was just throwing up all over herself -- softly holding her hair back and whispering to her that everything was going to be alright. To me, that's what the last eight years were like, here in America: projectile vomiting all over yourself as the rest of the world rubbed your back, saying, 'Sssshhh, that's it. Let it all out.'
I used to get letters saying, 'I didn't know black children and white children were the same.'
By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.
Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.
You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.
Haiti fell over? Who built Haiti? Two of the three little pigs?!
I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Shows should just be able to be shows without hyphenating their lead characters.
So I go in and I go into the snack bar. I don't think it should be legal to call anything that costs $18.50 a snack. Yeah, those are nice Twizzlers, do you have financial aid?