Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 830
Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.
Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I figured, let me just cut myself off from everybody, take a minute and pull a Flintstone, stop a speeding car by using my bare feet as brakes.
A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.
I won't talk about what it was like in prison, except to say I'm glad I'm out and that I plan never to go back and to pay my taxes every day.
When you're first starting out, you want to keep making good movies. When you're young and you're black, you do a bad movie and you're through.
I grew up poor… I grew up the baby of eight kids. We grew up in a two bedroom house. Mama didn’t have to worry about a curfew. You came up late, you didn’t have a bed.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
A problem of type 2094 has occurred... what the fuck is that... what does that mean... what are the 2093 problems I skipped to get to this one?
I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.
Sometimes we become attached to what’s familiar, and sometimes we hold on to things that are safe and predictable, even if they are bad for us.
And the French! The French have a bomb too! Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb- ah! Only destroys restaurants under four stars! They are the one of the only people that still test their bombs! Where do they do it? In the Sahara, in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. Why? Because we're French. Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest- fuck off, I sink you.