Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 832
New York City subways are now getting high speed Internet. How about some high speed subway trains?
I think about dying. I've come to realize we all die alone in one way or another.
Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I figured, let me just cut myself off from everybody, take a minute and pull a Flintstone, stop a speeding car by using my bare feet as brakes.
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
People come up to us and ask how we knew so much about their own family... I'm talking about people from faraway places, too. I get people from Turkey and Chile coming up to me and saying I wrote about their family.
God lets you be successful because he trusts you that you will do the right thing with it. Now, does he get disappointed often? All the time, because people get there and they forget how they got it.
When you're first starting out, you want to keep making good movies. When you're young and you're black, you do a bad movie and you're through.
I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.
I had some great things and I had some bad things. The best and the worst... In other words, I had a life.
"Sort of" is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy!"
Everyone knows that Jews control the media and banks and stuff. But did you know that when you go to a carnival and you have to be a certain height to go on a ride, Jews control that height? It has nothing to do with safety. It’s just us flexing our Semitic muscles.