Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 904
In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.
I saw the movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and I was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realised why: they're crouching and hidden.
I love to pitch things that I believe in and products that I love to use.
The Invisible Man, who said to his wife, "I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop!" Never got a dinner!
I’d like to punch out a really old lady. There’d be no repercussions.
My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing.
The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
[Imitating a whining vegetarian] "Yeah, well, if you eat red meat, it stays in your colon for fifteen years!" Good! I paid for it; I want it in my ass, okay? I want them to find a meat sweater from my esophagus to my asshole when they open me up in the end! "This guy's covered in meat! He's Meat-Man! He's Meat-Tracheotomy-Man!"
I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
We have al fresco dining in Cardiff now. Who's idea was that?! My soup's filling up quicker than I can eat it. "Who wanted coffee? Ah yes sir, well here it is. Don't worry I'll get you another one!"
I always wanted to write a book about you Cynthia, but somebody beat me to it. He wrote The Hounds of Baskervilles.
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.