Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 903
I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.
I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.
I like Dali and Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
Because sometimes ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX NEWS, MSNBC, CNN, HEADLINE NEWS, CSPAN, and CSPAN 2 just aren't enough.
The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I've ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could've been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them.
It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
The Doctor says "You'll live to be 60." "I am 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"
Is it just me, or is he the greasiest nigga you ever seen in your life? Every time Jermaine comes on, I gotta wipe the grease off the screen! Can't see shit! Jermaine must have been on. Even the police can't catch his ass, 'cause every time they try, he just slips out! They be like, "Somebody throw some sand on that nigga! Please!"
I'm TV's Craig Ferguson, please sit down relax and: "take off your pants"; "dip your hand into a bowl of warm water and fall fast asleep"; etc.
The biggest battle for a lot of people who come out of the theater, which is where I was trained, is that they can never forget that a camera is pointed at them.
I was raped by a doctor. Which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl…
Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.
I'm a nerd. I'm a little guy... the last guy you'd expect in a romantic movie.
I don't know if you know about pilots. The way in which our country generates television, they take one episode, one, and then they take that episode, produce it, and show it to a room filled with monkeys. And if the monkeys don't shit themselves, you might have a hit!