Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 968
I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.
The best way to break up with a girl is like I'm taking off a band-aid. Slowly and in the shower.
Elizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way.
There's something spiritual in hard work. Spirituality isn't all aromatherapy and scented candles.
The cell phone companies make you sign up for a plan, but it’s not like if you don’t follow the plan they’re cool with it. It’s like, “You can have 600 anytime minutes for 50 dollars, but if you go over that, we shoot you in the dick!”
I'm fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush.
Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the two countries could put all that behind them and start to build on what really has been a great friendship.
If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.
I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother… that's all they need.
My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
I am reasonably happy. I didn't find Jesus or anything like that. Part of it is that I just feel that I could go home. I did not feel like that for a long time, but I could go back now.
We are so excited about adding additional incentives to the program. It gives them a fun reason to exercise and learn about geography as well.
"World War Z" is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It’s like Black Friday at the mall.