Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 991
God forbid those kids won't have something to suck on all night!
If you want to elect Bush, that's the prick that I'm gonna yell about. If you want to elect John Kerry, I'm gonna be yelling about him. My problem is with authority.
I have a car stereo that will leave messages. It’s got a manual two inches thick. The manual that came with my wife is smaller.
The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.
Yeah, apparently chasing a bus uses different muscles than sitting and eating.
You don’t get a rebate at the end of your life for living with an idiot.
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with.
Why would you listen to another human being tell you where you’re going to go when you die? <br /> “Dude, have you ever been dead?”<br /> “No.”<br /> “So, wouldn’t it be safe to assume that you wouldn’t have the slightest fucking idea what you’re talking about.”
You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.