Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 992
One guy I was in bed with him and he kept saying to me, “Tell me what you want? Tell me what you want? Tell me what you want?’ I want a milkshake, what do you think I want?
It's been hard in entertainment as a 45-year-old woman to find jobs. They get fewer and far between if you're older, unless you're one of the few lucky ones who work constantly, like Meryl Streep.
Adam, who said to George Burns, "Dad, can I have my allowance?" Never got a dinner!
Let me tell you about Australia. It’s really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you’re a gleam in your father’s eye.
If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.
A war is going to destroy our economy even further. It's going to be a threefold humanitarian disaster.
I didn't know you could name a Puerto Rican 'Israel' 'cause I'm pretty sure you'll never meet a Jew named 'Puerto Rico.'
I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle.
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!' I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'
If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
Being famous is great, it's not like bad or horrible or anything.
[If this is the answer, what is the question: Up To 18 Months] What is Stephen Hawking's personal best for the London marathon?