Quotes & Jokes about Christmas / page 4
Christmas is a time for joy, love and peace. And a giant spike in the suicide rate. My father had all the christmas joy sucked out of him by his cruel, vindictive mother because his drunken partying father sucked all the christmas joy out of her. Fa la la la la, la la la la.
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.
One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go sometime in December.
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
In the suburbs it’s hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
I was in New York last Christmas - it's snowing; there's a guy in a t-shirt. I'm like, 'Dude, aren't you cold?' 'No, I'm from New York. I don't get cold.' Just 'cause you're from a cold place doesn't mean you're genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. You're not a penguin. I was like, 'In fact, sir, you're Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold.'
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
It's christmas. You know, the time of the year that reminds you what you don't fucking have.
My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you’re using it?
My mother was a professional sick person; she took a lot of pain pills. There are many people like that. It's just how they are used to getting attention. I always remember she's the daughter of alcoholics who'd leave her alone at Christmas time.
The TV news people keep saying that this could be the greatest Christmas we ever had. I kind of thought the first one was.
I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it.