Quotes & Jokes about Christmas / page 4
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
My mother was a professional sick person; she took a lot of pain pills. There are many people like that. It's just how they are used to getting attention. I always remember she's the daughter of alcoholics who'd leave her alone at Christmas time.
It's christmas. You know, the time of the year that reminds you what you don't fucking have.
Last Christmas I got no respect. In my stocking, I got an odor-eater.
In the suburbs it’s hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
The TV news people keep saying that this could be the greatest Christmas we ever had. I kind of thought the first one was.
I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it.
I was in New York last Christmas - it's snowing; there's a guy in a t-shirt. I'm like, 'Dude, aren't you cold?' 'No, I'm from New York. I don't get cold.' Just 'cause you're from a cold place doesn't mean you're genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. You're not a penguin. I was like, 'In fact, sir, you're Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold.'
The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go sometime in December.
My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you’re using it?