Quotes & Jokes about Coffee / page 3

53 quotes

I like my women like I like my coffee. I don’t like coffee.

I know I'm in England because this morning, my stomach got up two hours before I did and had a cup of tea! I've had so much tea, I slosh when I walk! You have to drink tea - I've tasted the coffee!

If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover.

I don’t like people who drink decaf coffee it’s like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That’s like drinking non alcoholic vodka.

I said, 'That's the wrong drink.' And he said, 'Sorry, dude, I'm tired.' And I was like, 'Have a frickin' coffee, man. That's why I'm here.'

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you’re talented.

Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.

Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn't help me.

I'm having my house repainted and we have a piano in the corner and the painter says, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "No, that's our coffee table; it just has buck teeth. Here's Your Sign."

Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, "Salt we got plenty. Coffee we need." Never got a dinner!

We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth!" Here's your sign!

Coffee doesn't need a menu, it needs a cup! That's all it needs! Maybe a saucer underneath the cup - that's it!

Why is it, when I have nothing to do, I drink more coffee? It's as if I'm in a big hurry to get nothing done.