Quotes & Jokes about Dating / page 5

I ran into a woman I dated last year. I said, "You gave me a rash!" She said, "Put something on it." I said, "OK. Ten bucks says it was you."

I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub one out, that’s like runs batted in.

My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.

You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

I never dated much in high school or college.

At least gays don’t kill babies before their due date.

I was going to get me a white woman, but O.J. messed it up for everybody. He set interracial dating back a thousand years.

When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.'

Here's how hot my wife is: on our first date, she started talking about kids. Christopher Titus: And I still married her.

Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, "I'll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex." Never found her, but when I got home my place was robbed.

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.

Men don't realize that if were sleeping with them on the first date, were probably not interested in seeing them again either.