Quotes & Jokes about Dating / page 5

I ran into a woman I dated last year. I said, "You gave me a rash!" She said, "Put something on it." I said, "OK. Ten bucks says it was you."

I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub one out, that’s like runs batted in.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

At least gays don’t kill babies before their due date.

When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.'

I never dated much in high school or college.

I was going to get me a white woman, but O.J. messed it up for everybody. He set interracial dating back a thousand years.

The problem with dating a model is they won’t go out with you if your cars color doesn’t match their outfit.

Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, "I'll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex." Never found her, but when I got home my place was robbed.

My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.

Here's how hot my wife is: on our first date, she started talking about kids. Christopher Titus: And I still married her.