Quotes & Jokes about Driving / page 4
Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it seems boring. That's the danger of drugs. At first it's intoxicating, but then the rest of your life you're trying to find that very first time. It never is the same.
Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.
David Hasselhoff was hospitalized after falling off the wagon again. He probably got used to drinking too much, because for years he never had to worry about driving anywhere - his car drove itself.
All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.
American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head - supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8 pints I talk shit and can't drive!
You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.
Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you’re going? I don’t even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard… Some people slow down at those things… I don’t slow down. I speed up and set the high score.
Spent most of the summer looking for shade. Driving around. Shade. Please? Driving in malls. I'll park a mile away I don't care. I'm just looking for a tree branch, anything. Long weed. Big leaf, get the front corner panel under it. Oh precious shade, I have it - you don't!
New York became the first state to ban talking on hand-held cell phones while driving. First-time violators could receive a fine of $100, with an additional mandatory six-month jail sentence if your ringer plays a Latin-themed novelty song.
I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front of your car. I installed it backwards by accident. Driving down the street with a herd of deer chasing me. Those were the days.
The last jobs I had were fixing cars and covering football games for a local access TV station. As in driving the mobile van to the field, setting up 3 cameras, teaching depressed grownups and interns how to use them and directing the game from the van and then wanting to kill myself.
"What would Jesus drive?" I don't know about you, but I always picture my God having a driver. Well, Jesus would naturally have an SUV, cause He always had those twelve idiots hanging around, making Him change shit into food every four and a half minutes. "See the cigarette? It's a fish. Leave me alone."