Quotes & Jokes about Friends / page 2

MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.

I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.

I have a terrible problem with procrastination... a friend told me, "Well, you should go to therapy. And I thought about it, but then I said, "Wait a minute. Why should I pay a stranger to listen to me talk when I can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?" And that's when I got the idea of touring.

She's so fat, she's my two best friends.

Sure, I have friends, plenty of friends, and they all come around wantin' to borrow money. I've always been generous with my friends and family, with money, but selfish with the important stuff like love.

So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I'm sorry if my friends make a bad impression, but it's an accurate one.

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

It’s gotten to the point where I think my friends would rather hang out with their own kids than hang out with me. And I’m like, "Alright, but where’s the loyalty, man. I’ve known you for twenty-five years. How long have you known your baby, like, a month?"

There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.

The foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.

You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.

Friends take up time, and I didn't have time.