Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Gays


A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.

I'm in a weird situation 'cause I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. So I wear a rainbow on my shirt, but then under it I gotta put 'Not Gay.' But I'm not against gay people, so then under that I gotta put 'But Supportive.' I just think it's weird that one group took refracted light. That's pretty greedy, gays.

I work out with alot of gay guys at the gym. I do, because my only goal is to get into "gay shape". Now, you know what I'm talking about. Gay men are the most ripped kind of... listen... I don't know how strong you have to be to blow a guy, but I'm guessin', there is some muscle involved.

I think it's weird that one group took refracted light. Pretty greedy, gays.

Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonna come home with Livin' La Vida Loca!

If you are in here and you are gay and you are offended that I'm using the word faggot, I apologize and I'll suck your dick after the show.

A guy say to me "are you gay?" and I say "bend over and let's find out".

It’s hard to know what’s gay in life. Boxing. That’s two men fighting over a belt.

When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

There's no such thing, of course, as an old-fashioned gay guy. They're the most decadent people.

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house...

How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

Just open your heart man and accept that people are gay. Thousands, probably millions of people are gay. And until we find a cure - we will practice unconditional love and tolerance towards these people. And we will let them get married because they're easier to track that way.