Quotes & Jokes about Truth / page 2

The God's honest truth is that I'm probably funnier, but he's smarter. Here's the thing about Stern - he's really a smart guy. He's nutty. He's outrageous. He's all those things, but he's also a very smart guy.

Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t.

I say, when you tell the truth, you never offend nobody, particularly if you do it with dignity.

My dad don't like lies. He says it hurts people in the long race. He prefers the truth. That hurts them instantly.

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

There are bound to be some lies here, but I’ve been telling them so long they’ve become truth, my truth, as close as I can get to what really happened.

You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

In America, if we're speaking truth, women are called bitches. I seek next Mother's Day a march of one million American bitches who can get the job done, the job of getting the food to the hungry and thereby saving our rich American friends and neighbors from going straight to hell and burning there for all of eternity.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

The truth hurts. It used to sooth, but, then my dad got a hold of it. When I was seventeen, he told me the truth about love. He called our little talk, "The birds, the bees and your girlfriend's a slut."

I can't figure women out. They put on makeup for three hours. They wear things that make them smaller. Things that make them bigger. Then they meet a man and they want truth.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

I lied to my shrink today. I told her the truth.