Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 100

Love is man's natural endowment, but he doesn't know how to use it. He refuses to recognize the power of love because of his love of power.

We grew to know the meaning of love. That is what allowed me and my family to stay close together.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

I tell people, 'If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.'

I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.

Before sleeping together today, people should boil themselves.

Women are really divided on abortion in this country. Half of them are cool, but the other half I have to drag down there.

My grandparents - life was food. I go, 'Grandma, I don't feel well. I'm suicidal.' She says, 'You're hungry. You're just hungry.'

Oprah didn't just bring herself, she brought her celebrity friends, because when Oprah says, "Jump," they say, "Which couch?"

It's work having a vagina. Guys don't think that its work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn't. Every night it's like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.

Hitler really wasn't so bad. In the black way.

Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.

George Clooney and Fabio apparently got into a scuffle at a restaurant in Los Angeles over the weekend. George thought the women with Fabio were taking pictures of him. How embarrassed is George Clooney to be in a fight with Fabio? Who is he going to call out next, Lorenzo Lamas?

Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.

I think that if anyone bothered to take a survey, they would find a sharp decline in atheism during the winters in Cleveland, Ohio.