Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1000
We've lost our way, I thin. We keep waiting for a wizard to fix it. You know, the Democrats and Republicans - they're not going to fix it. That's just Coke and Pepsi - same crap, different can.
For example, in Paris, if one desires to buy something, you enter the store and say "Good morning, sir" or "madam," depending on what is appropriate, you wait until you are greeted, you make polite chitchat about the weather or some such, and when the salesperson asks what they can do for you, then and only then do you bring up the vulgar business of the transaction you require.
I watched the American Music Awards last night. Beyonce lost in all three of her categories, but she did win a special award - which was our way of saying we still love you but we need to see other people.
No one who has had “Taps” played for them has ever been able to hear it.
According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we’ll never get there.
People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello kind of thing. It's not an easy switch. It's not an easy transition from TV to film.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
The expression "working like a dog" dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.
We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid.
I just think they should get a fair shake. They didn't. They didn't have the rights regular criminals get.
Pseudoscience describes theories that sound like science but are actually just made up, like aromatherapy or biorhythms or love.