Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 999
It seems to be a common denominator with a lot of comics, this low self-esteem thing.
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
We’ve got stained glass windows in our house; it’s those damned pigeons.
Yeah, apparently chasing a bus uses different muscles than sitting and eating.
I would like one day to not only pop a hymen but actually pull the plastic off the vagina, unwrap the vagina.
[Seeing Benny's breast implants] My God, Mom! You swallowed a bouncy house!
I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
The amazing thing is there are people who've never left this country who talk about the fact that we're the greatest country on Earth. How fucking dumb is that?! Cuz you don't know, if you haven't left here you don't know. There are countries that may be giving shit away every day! Canada's one of those countries. You know what they give away? Health insurance!
Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!