Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1031
Suicide is the number one killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.
I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'
That's right. It turns out we've all been taking relationship advice from the fat middle-aged, bald guy who drives a Ferrari!
There are fears that Britain could be facing a double-dip recession, or worse still, a double-dip with misery sprinkles and fuck-where's-my-job-sauce.
Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.
'The ruckus' is different experiences you go through throughout your life which builds your ruckus points up - your tolerance. You've got to have a high tolerance for dealing with stuff all the time.
We've had to get a live-in nanny, 'cos that dead one wasn't working out.
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was interesting on the box, 'Konsult Kardiologist.'
I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.
Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.
To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.
You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.
Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We’re in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.