Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1038
To remove all credibility from what you're saying try wearing sunglasses on your forehead.
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.
If you're in a room with Britney Spears, you just want to say, "What did you shave your head for, love?"
I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.
I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.
When you speak directly at things and don't say you're going to try to do something or that you hope to do something, the universe will work with you. Think about it this way - a boomerang goes out and comes back to you if you throw it. If you throw it out at the universe, it will come back down to you on Earth.
You might be a redneck if you have the electronic singing fish in more than three rooms in your house.
When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.
In this country, a smart leader is suspect. That's just the way it is. Even George Bush's father, who was a lot smarter than the son, had to sort of prove that he wasn't that bright.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery in 3 years?
"I'm bored" is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.
We all know that at 5 in the morning the lanes behind hotels are full of children, especially wee blind ones who can't see fucking trucks coming.