Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1049
I started being a comedy fan when I was, I'm going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old.
But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking.
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
I was on a phone call with the HSBC and they said when are you gonna pay off this overdraft? I said you know what outside southeast asia its rude to call people up and ask them for money!
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there was some girl I saw walking up Holloway Road in Islington who had this long languid walk and I thought, that's what I like, so I incorporated her walk into mine.
Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.
We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.
A new cologne is coming out. It's for cowboys, and it's made from cow's manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides.
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'