Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1063
They say the measure of a man is judged by the company he keeps. I'm fucked.
It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
When rappers call each other "son" it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
I don’t think more concentration is required for Robert De Niro to do what he does as for Jim Carrey to do what he does.
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.
If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
You might be a redneck if you burn your front yard rather than mow it.
We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.