Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1063
People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi.
We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
You might be a redneck if your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
I before e except after c and sounding like a in a neighboring way and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!
Just got an email from a necrophiliac wishing me dead. Hey, thanks for the compliment!
One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That's not an impediment, that's suspense! What's he going to say? Car?... or Carnival?... Carburetor? Man...
Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.