Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1124
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, "They still have a van?"
Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music...
Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ’s playlist.
Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a "good time".
It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"
I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures.
Everyone in my school knew one thing. Nobody fucked with the deaf kids because deaf kids are strong as shit. They have the strength of 14 gorillas. One of my friends got into a fight with a deaf kid and the deaf kid beat 37 kinds of shit into my friend. He kept bashing him. I dont know if he couldnt hear the sound of the beating but he went berserk. I dont know if he was lip reading wrong. My friend was like "Stop. OW!" "*deaf kid accent* Stop telling me Fuck Off!"
I wish black people had a flag they could put into the ground, like when the troops stormed Iwo Jima.
Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It's the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a (expletive) dream, too.
You know who has a tiny vagina? Barbie. Not Klaus Barbie, the infamous Nazi.