Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1128
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
The TV season is a year-long thing now, and the networks are starting to look at it that way, thanks to cable, satellites, and competition.
George Bush says, "Gore's book needs a lot of explaining." Of course, Bush says that about every book.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
I really don't work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It's really made the touring a lot less grueling. A lot of people get to this level and they're like, "Now I do four cities in one week" and they tour nonstop. I'm like, "No, that sounds miserable. I'll just do two weekends a month." But whenever I'm in some awful place geographically, it's no longer that awful, because you've got the Internet and television.
The Founding Fathers were more deists. If you had to categorize them as anything. There was some sort of moving prime force. But it's an impersonal force. Some people call it Nature. Certainly not this personal god who you have a personal relationship with, who listens to your prayers and answers them, or doesn't. You know, not the silly stuff that most Americans believe because we're such a dumb nation.