Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1151
My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.
New Rule: Stop whining about the French. It takes a lot of guts to stand up to the Bush administration and that's more than I can say about the Democrats!
I find it very annoying when people want to sit next to each other at a booth.
I wish his [Frank Ocean] music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.
'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
If I'm on the toilet for more than two minutes, I take Dramamine. That's how nauseous I get.
You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together.
So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.
Tough guys tend to be curious. “What are you looking at?” “Do you have a problem?” “Would you like to step outside?” “What are books?"