Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1167
I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."
I have ditched every resentment in my life except that tricky one against myself.
Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.
Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.
You might be a redneck if you can spit without opening your mouth.
My shrink is so baffled she now blames her own childhood for my anxiety.
It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly.
If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.
I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.
Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.