Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1166
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
When John and Yoko promoted. "Give Peace a Chance" my folks sadly thought they just meant our family.
Got married again and I went on the Internet to see how happy everyone was for me. Fucking hell, it was awful. One woman... she said, 'Married again, eh? She's a user and he's a pervert.' And I'm like, 'How do they know us?'
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dark about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.
If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.
You are the director of your own life story. Don’t cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
The average man thinks about sex every... What were we talking about?
Mitt Romney looks like an American President in a Canadian movie.
You might be a redneck if you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What’s even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.