Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1171
Nothing is more American than stuffing your face with loaded potato skins while drinking loaded mudslides.
If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".
I had trouble with the last relationship. I got scared a little bit and had two Amish people come over who were friends of mine. They had an erection raising.
You might be a redneck if you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.
There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on.
There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.
Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
We get into bed, and she says, 'You're not going to use your penis, are you?'
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
I lost my virginity alone... at least that's what the chick told me.
If you're keeping score at home, so far our war in Iraq has created a police state in that country and socialism in Spain. So, no democracies yet, but we're really getting close.
Being sober for 18 years, now when I take prescribed medicine I pray for hip, side effects.
You might be a redneck if you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.