Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1172
A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up.
I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?" And I said, "Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?"
Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.
If you think the French Riviera is foreign car, you might be a redneck.
Does anyone ever shudder with the crap that you pulled off and didn't die?
To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.
I don’t really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I’ve been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn’t call that hanging out.
So I was watching this one show where - there's a guy on stage and he pretends he has contact with the dead and spirits talk to him...[Some people in the audience give suggestions, one of which is Crossing Over.] Crossing–...no, no, no, no, no, it was, uh, church. It was church.
I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.
There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on.
Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.