Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1180
The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness.
I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.
It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.
I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, "Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart."
Shut up... let me tell you, let me. Every time I look at your face or even remember it, it wrecks me. And the way you are with me and you’re just fun and you shit all over me and you make fun of me and you're real. I don't have enough time in any day to think about you enough... I don't even think about women anymore. I think about you.
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.
You might be a redneck if your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses.
I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?" And I said, "Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?"
I just don't trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there's been another ridiculous climb of the Dow Jones, there's a part of me that goes, “This can't be good.” None of this is real money. You know what I mean? It's not like there's actually more of anything. It's just ideas. When people are getting richer and richer but they're not actually producing anything, it can't end well.
This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them.