Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1181
Silly things make you laugh and if they do, fuck it. I was on a train and we went through a place called Didcot Ladygrove. I was laughing already, but my friend topped it by going, “I’ll bet that’s what the Queen calls her vagina.”
They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best.
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.
Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
I lost my virginity alone... at least that's what the chick told me.
Artistic idols of mine who died got an average mention of 22 seconds on the local news. Bottom-line fame-seekers, sleep with news anchors.
Everybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before.
Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.