Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1199
Now the ACLU is fighting to overturn a Mississippi state law that stops homosexuals from adopting children. You know folks, I’m no expert on the subject, but if you’re gay and you’ve chosen to set up shop in Mississippi… even I’m reasonably sure you’re not equipped to adopt children, okay?
You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
If I just sit here every Friday night and spout Bush administration talking points, that's not information or entertainment, it's Fox News!
I didn’t know angels flew this close to the ground. Maybe that’s because this angels gained a few pounds since we started going out.
I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
I've had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
You might be a redneck if Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
I'm not just offensive, I'm very smart about the way that I do it, and that takes a lot of time. People say that young comics shouldn't be trying these things. That's ridiculous. You should try everything and see what sticks.